This post is the result of seeing this very sign in front of a beautician’s in the city. I posted about it elsewhere, and Sally said I should GaryView the moment. So I did.
Gary: I saw something on a sign the other day that I didn’t understand.
Lissa: What was it?
Gary: It said “Get vajazzled for $17”.
Lissa: …
Gary: What’s ‘vajazzled’?
Lissa: …
Gary: Because it sounds like something they would do on that show you like. With all the singing.
Lissa: Glee. Ah. No. I don’t think so… well, Brittany and Santana maybe. Maybe Kurt, though I don’t think it’s called vajazzled when it’s a guy…
Gary: But what is it? I went in to the shop to ask but they just gave me that look I get sometimes. Like I was asking something weird.
Lissa: You asked? Sorry. Yes. Of course you would, that’s the scientific response. But… The reason for the look…
Gary: Yes?
Lissa: Um. It’s this thing where a girl gets rid of all her hair… there… (gestures vaguely around her pelvis) and then they stick on… bits of jewellery. Sparkly stuff. Crystals.
Gary: (Blinks) Like… sequins. On there…. (gestures vaguely around his pelvis).
Lissa: Yes.
Gary: Why?
Lissa: Beats me.
Gary: I mean you wouldn’t…. (gestures vaguely around his pelvis) …would you?
Lissa: Oh dear god no!!!
Gary: Cos that would be weird, right?
Lissa: And I suspect uncomfortable and unhygienic.
Gary: In the late sixties at uni, a lot of girls were all about being natural and stuff. Some of them didn’t even wear deodorant. Doing… that.. (gestures vagely around his pelvis) is like something in one of those science fiction novels about sex robots they wrote in the seventies.
Lissa: Well, that’s what it is. It’s jazzing up your…(gestures vaguely around her pelvis) … with sparkles.
Gary: Seriously? And they thought I was weird for asking what is was?
Lissa: It’s a weird world.
Gary: I don’t even think vampires are the weirdest thing in it.
Lissa: You have a point. This reminds me though – I have to print out those instructions I wrote for my seniors internet class on how to Google.
Gary: ‘Google’ sounds like what happens to your brain when you learn what vajazzled means. My brain is all googled. Like boggled only moreso.
Lissa: Actually, that’s a fairly valid definition of what often happens when you look things up on the internet.
*For newcomers, the GaryView is a review of books/films/TV/entertainment carried out as a conversation between Lissa Wilson (librarian) and Gary Hooper (vampire) , characters from my book ‘The Opposite of Life’.