Free image from Freefoto.com under Creative Commons licence. Photo by Ian Britton.

When I was a little kid, my younger brother, Bryce, and I decided to search the house for the Christmas presents we knew must be secreted somewhere in our parents’ bedroom. After some heavy duty snooping, we did indeed locate presents that matched what we’d been asking for, or at least seemed likely to be ours.

Come Christmas morning, we opened our presents and found… what we’d already found. It was disappointing. The element of surprise was lacking. It was like we’d already had our presents a month ago, but simply hadn’t been able to make use of them.

I never snooped for presents again. I never even picked up parcels from under the tree and tried to guess their contents. I didn’t want that awful feeling of Christmas Disappointment again.

Fast forward a good 20 years to Poland, where Tim and I lived and taught English for a while. We spoke only a smattering of Polish, so we didn’t bother watching Polish television or attempting to read Polish newspapers. English language films were not a problem, though: they were regularly screened with subtitles at all the local cinemas. However, we had to choose what to see purely on the strength of the poster art, as we had no other information about the film to go on. (Remember, this was pre-internet, with no way to look up plot synopses, casting information, reviews or trailers.)

As a result, we saw a lot of films with practically no expectations except those intimated by the poster. The Mask turned out to be hilarious, because we hadn’t already seen the best bits on the promo. The Crow was a last minute choice on a huge screen that was visually amazing. Arizona Dream was even more bizarre, but much less interesting, than the poster.. (Apparently, Johnny Depp cannot save every film. Not even when Jerry Lewis and Faye Dunaway are trying to help. Or maybe they were the problem.)

Other films packed all kinds of surprises because we had no idea what to expect. The twists and the reveals came to us as the film makers had intended, unfolding with the story. And Tim and I discovered that we liked this approach to seeing a film.

So here I am in the 21st Century, thoroughly spoilerphobic. I don’t even read the backs of books any more, as so many of them reveal events that don’t happen until half way through the story. If a trailer of a film I want to see comes on at the cinema, I close my eyes, stick my fingers in my ears and hum.

It may seem excessive, but I don’t really want to see the Reader’s Digest version of a film, with all the emotional highlights and an suggestion (or downright revelation) of the ending, beforehand. If I see a film and am disappointed by the execution, so be it, but I don’t want to see it and be disappointed because, in effect, I already know the whole story.

Seeing something fresh for the first time, without expectations or waiting for the twist, is wonderful. It’s exciting. If a story is predictable or pat – in effect spoilering itself through bad writing or plotting – I lose interest and walk away. I love it when I can’t quite see how it’s going to pan out; or if I can work out, for example, whodunit, but not how- or why-dunnit. I can appreciate the writer’s skill in assembling plot, character, theme and rhythm without pre-empting their choice of pace and clues.

(Here’s something. I went to see Apollo 13 years ago. It’s based on real life events, but I actually couldn’t recall how those real life events had played out. The last half hour of that film, I was riveted with suspense because I didn’t know what was going to happen!)

Someone once told me that there was no such thing as spoilers any more, because all the information is out there on the internet. But if you can avoid the knowledge (simply by refusing to go looking for it) then surely the term still has meaning. Hell, if it had no meaning, there wouldn’t be a word for it.

I even think you should include spoiler warnings for old films, TV shows and books. After all, the film may have been released 50 years ago, but some people aren’t that old. New generations will still see it for the first time, and they don’t yet know about Rosebud, the Crying Game or Norman Bates. There are people not yet born who may one day appreciate not knowing crucial details of those films.

I know people who love to discover all the details of a film or show well in advance of the screening. That’s fine. If you like to know it all before you start, I wouldn’t stop you. But I would beg of you not to share your inside knowledge with me. I want my surprises as the writer intended.

  • Once more you demonstrate why I like you so much – we are sympatico! I have the first of the Game of Thrones books on my Kindle awaiting its turn to be read, but the Song of Ice and Fire is a different series, yes? I loved Martin’s work on the TV series Beauty and the Beast (the one about the cat faced man living in caves under New York, not the panel show) so I really ought to get around to reading one of his books one day.

    • morealtitude

      Game of Thrones is the first book in Song of Fire and Ice- first of seven (of which the 5th has just been published, and we are hoping the last two will be published some time in the 21st century…). I won’t say much more than that in the vein of not being spoilerphobic (though you have to work pretty hard not to see stuff about Game of Thrones popping up)- but do get reading, I think you’ll enjoy his style and characters. I burned through all 5 published books in 2 1/2 months- and given that they average about 1,000 pages apiece, I reckon that was a pretty good effort 🙂

      PS- haven’t forgotten about talk of having you & Tim around for dinner at some stage- possibly a local pub outing in January if you’re around? Will see what we can do when the school year wraps up…

      • LOL. I’ll move it further up the ‘to read’ pile, though I am tempted to wait until all 7 books are out so I don’t have to do any of that waiting thing.

        A pub outing in January sounds like a fabulous idea! Get your people to talk to my people.

  • Ach- TOTALLY. I hate spoilers. I am partial to trailers though. I hate it when they reveal too much- I just want my appetite whet. And agree- one of my favourite cinema experiences was going to see The Usual Suspects as a teenager, because I knew NOTHING about it- and it was fully awesome.

    Books which reveal major plot premises on the back which aren’t part of the plot’s initial setup upset me- when you end up waiting for half the narrative for the pivotal moment you already know is coming. Fail. I want the experience as the author intended- build up to a moment, then get hit with it. For that reason I rarely let anybody read anything I write until it’s actually finished, so I can build it the way I want. I despise the notion of reading the last page of a book first (I seriously- what? I just don’t get it).

    Ambs and I have been reading George R R Martin’s Song of Ice & Fire series. I’m 3 books ahead of her and she keeps fishing for hints about what’s going to happen. I give her NOTHING. Hee hee. 🙂

    PS- Read it!